– Helen Gurley Brown79. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt. Rodney Dangerfield49 What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Go and find him. – Andy Warhol85. – Spanish Proverb14. Jack Benny76 Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. It all depends on what you put into it. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. Kathy Mohnke41 Love doesn’t make the world go round. When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Jerry Seinfeld63 Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.

Except for the dying part of course. I solemnly swear I am up to no good especially when I am all alone with you.158. An exclamation of surprise, exasperation, or some similar feeling, as in For the love of Pete, give me the money! Enjoy Life Quotes.

If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Throwing funny and cute words of love to your partner gives a whole new meaning to your relationship. – Richard Pryor103. In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.

You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.46.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. – Phyllis Diller5. Erich Segal54 Love is a fire. As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. – Jack Benny110. – Rodney D121. – Chelsea Peretti86. Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. – Miles Davis35.

– Rowland161. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.

I should have asked for a jury. People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Cerano de Bergerac7 I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth! When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.172. I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.47. – Groucho Marx13. – Groucho Marx100. Women are from Earth. Agatha Christie61 I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. Loss for words? –  Jean Kerr16. – George Burns30. – Bob Hope140. – George Burns99. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. Marriage has no guarantees.

Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.37. Professor Irwin Corey47 A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it. Ray Romano44 Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.18.

– Steven Wright113. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’26. A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. Redmerski115. Also Read: Funny Quotes about Love. 57 In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. – Chelsea Handler98. Jackie Mason31 To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan! During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. – Fran Lebowitz132.

– Erma Bombeck8. The key to a successful relationship is to clear your internet history. I left early. I think I woke up screaming. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.74. Men marry women hoping they will not. – Hussein Nishah118. Enjoy the best of funny love quotes and romantic sayings.

♥ Connect with SayingImages on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter! – Elizabeth Evans31. Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. Miles Davis75 My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. – Oscar Wilde142. My wife gets all the money I make. Cindy Garner50 Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Richard Jeni25 I’m now making a Jewish porno film. J. P. Senn33 There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Cindy Garner59. According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. Bill Maher43 My wife gets all the money I make. – Leopold Fetchner2. Phyllis Schlafly29 What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.83. Love is like a headache or a backache. That’s how wonderful it is to wake up knowing you are mine and I am yours.166. Plus, it’s free.66. Garry Shandling40 Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.Really all quotes are very funny and nice, please add some more funny quotes of love.I think its a best funny love quotes. People should fall in love with their eyes closed.

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